Saturday, October 23, 2004
不要將自放在想像中的地獄
冷清是因為沒有別人；孤單可是自己找來的。這個地方冷清，就去別的地方；覺得孤單，就找點朋友。不同場合，有不同的人；填滿生活的，可以是不同的關係。
我可能寫得不太好，但經過這麼多年，錯過那麼多次，經驗得來，結果往往令不明白的害怕——人往往都在自己害自己。
「家」是唯一沒有選擇餘地的東西。但愛與不愛，自己可以選擇。選擇愛，你要在那面選擇的需要不會太強烈；選擇不愛，那就選別的可以了。不過，很多人在選擇「不愛」的時候，就發現只剩下自己一個人了。望着自己、望着鏡子，都只有一個人，很易就去找另「一個人」了。可是很多人都不知道，選擇仍可以是「一些人」、「一班人」…甚至是「好些人」——其實不用和「一」字扯上關係。
你可能會有一條特別的線和某人聯上，但也可以有其他的線聯起別的人，只要每一條線都不太一樣，你就可以聯起很多人了。
今天選錯了、方向錯了，不打緊，知道好的方法就好了。
那些事會變成過去的；縱使有傷口也將不會痛…只要妳向前踏一步。可能今天不能，明天很難…再過幾天會有惜口停下來…但只要有一天踏了那一步，一切都可以過去的了。那一天不知何時會到，但是一定會到的。
Monday, October 18, 2004
塔羅牌 Tarot
剛剛知道自己會少一筆收入。我才上新沒多久，滿以為生活可以過得髮一點，現在又回到起點時一樣……一直想着我的「新日子」怎樣可以省一點……巢生有叫過我去跟他住，我真的要決定了麼﹖回家的路，突然變得好長……
Just learnt that my income will decrease by quite a large amount. Haven't been long in the new company, I thought that I could step one step away from Poor. Then, I'm put back to the starting point again. ... I was thinking how I'm going to save more in my "new life" ... Mr. C had asked me to live with him before. Do I have to make the decision now? ... It took hours walking home ...
回到家了。看到剛剛「斥資」買回來的塔羅牌，決定問一問。
Back home finally. Looking at the tarot deck which I bought without thinking my budget, I decided to consume it.
第一個問題：我少了一筆收入，年底前的日子我會過得怎樣﹖會鬆還是會緊﹖
牌答我：Temperance。
First question: How will my life be with the shrunkened budget? Will it be a hard or easy one?
The deck answered: Temperance.
第二個問題：在這(缺錢的)情況下，我是第一個想到巢生，但我又真的不捨豬生。到底誰會在這個時候「適合」我﹖
牌答我：King of Wands。
Second question: At this (hard) time, the first one I thought of Mr. C, but Mr. J is still deep in my mind. Who "suits" me the most at this moment?
The deck answered: King of Wands.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
長或短，真的重要嗎﹖ Long or short, does it matter?
生命有長有短，長是否等如幸福；短又是否即是可惜呢﹖
Lives come in various lenghts. Does a long life means good, or a short one means poor?
有人一生都做着令人不開心的事，他活得很久，他幸福嗎﹖我不知道，但可以肯定的是，他身邊的人都不會幸福。
Someone does bad things in his life and he lives for a long time. Is his life good? I don't know. But, for sure, everybody near him is poor.
有人一生都有好的事發生在他身上，他活得不很久，他會覺得可惜嗎﹖我不知道，但他身邊的人都替他可惜。
Someone has all the good things happen to him and he lives a short life. Does he feel sad? I don't know. But, everybody feels pity for him.
有人一生都平平淡淡，他活很很久，他的生命有價值嗎﹖我不知道，但沒有很多人惦記着他。
Someone lives a plain and incurious life. Does his life valuable? I don't know. But, not many people memorise him.
有人一生都幹着轟烈的事，他活得不很久，他的生命有價值嗎﹖我不知道，但很久之後都有人想起他。
Someone makes great and huge things though his life. Does his life valuable? I don't know. But, there's still someone remembers him after a long time.
為什麼我只知道別人，而不知道那個人﹖因為我只是別人，而不是那個人。
Why is that I only know what others', but not the person talked about, thoughts? It's because I am merely one of the others but that person.
為什麼只在為自己無能為力的「那個人」而有感慨﹖
Why everyone place his feeling on 'that person' whom and whose life you could never have the control on?
到最後，那個人要的只是祝福。
What he really needs, at the final moment, is your blessing.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
神的國度God's Land
一個小學同學今早辭世了。她得了癌症。兩年前得知的時候，她去做化療了，也算是好轉過來。但不久指標數字又亂了，而且更嚴重起來。很多醫生都放棄，但她和家人都沒有，最後亦找到一個不放棄的醫生。這個醫生就跟她一起拼了。
A primary schoolmate left us this morning. It was cancer. Learning that two years ago, she went for chemical treatments. She did seem getting better after several treatments, but the indexes turned in a wrong direction later and the situation got worse. Many doctors forfeited, yet she and her family didn't. They got a doctor who would fight against the illness with her finally.
八月中，她住院了。我一直都沒去過看她，因為我忙、我懶惰、我跟她不是特別熟、我以為她會似上次一樣好起來…。我有很多借口，縱使有一個朋友告訴我「復發的癌症一般都會更嚴重」。
She stayed in hospital since mid August. I haven't ever visited her. Because, I was busy, I was lazy, we are not very closed, I thought that she'd got well as she did before... I had all those excuses despite that a friend had told me that a re-occuring cancer usually much worse than ever.
我看着她姐姐建的網頁，相中見到她都很有精神，有時還可以到外邊去，我覺得她也好轉了。
Reading the website built by her sister, I learnt that she's been vivid and she could go out at times from the photos. I thought that she's recovering.
昨晚在網頁得知她又要趟回病床，我開始有一點點感覺到那個病的嚴重性。
I read the website last night. Getting the message that she had to stay back in bed, I was learning that the disease is not as easy as a flu.
今晚再到那網頁，卻收到她已回到神的國度去了。
Tonight, it's told that she's returned to her Lord.
Monday, October 11, 2004
隨筆 Pieces
拿起新買的日記本就想到些東西，拿起筆就寫了。
With the newly bought diary on hands, I had some thoughts. Picked up a pen and I wrote something.
巴黎 Paris
巴黎——一個我一直都想去的地方，不是十分清楚那兒是怎樣的，總之就想去。我會何時去呢﹖和誰一起去呢﹖
Paris, a place I longed to go. Don't know much about there, yet it's my desire. When will I go there? With whom?
日記 Diary
很久沒寫日記，只有閒時對着電腦blog一些有的沒的故事，自己的事都沒好好記下過。我真會再寫日記嗎﹖
It's been a long long time I wrote my last diary. Now, I just blog some trivial stories but my live. Will I wrote my "diary" one day?
文章 Articles
我現在的文章都很短。我以前都寫很長的文章，將所有的情感，所有相關的事都加上去。不過，我現在覺得那是「感情泛濫」。
I have my writings short currently. I used to wrote long pieces, with all my expressions and all the related materials. However, I thought that's exuberating.
J先生 Mr. J
突然想起J先生今天要來我家吃飯。為什麼突然煞有介事的要吃我煮的飯﹖他是有東西想對我說嗎﹖我有不好的預感。
Something suddenly popped up in my mind - Mr. J is coming for dinner. Why did he specially requested a dinner at my home? Does he have something important to say? I have a bunch that something bad is going to happen.
Friday, October 08, 2004
叉燒
叉燒是廣東有名的食品之一，是一塊鮮紅或深紅的燒肉塊，肉面有一層甜味的醬汁，野味非常！這片美的肉塊是用豬肉，一邊烤一邊塗上蜜糖及其他香料，重複這個程數十遍之後，就成為美味的叉燒了！現在的燒味店看來是吃不到最傳統的叉燒了，因為以的方法太費時和考工夫了，廚師們後來都改用色素令肉色變紅，那麼肉燒一次就可以了！現在的叉燒縱使有欠傳統風味，但仍然很可口啊！
外國的朋友來到香港，一定要去試一下這款美食啊！為什麼要在香港吃﹖因為本人對內地的食物信心不大呢…
說回「叉燒」，很多土生土長的朋友都會被爸媽罵過「生舊叉燒好過生你！」，對罷﹖事思大約是「生舊叉燒出來都有得食丫，生你出來真的一D用都冇呀！」你又知不知到為什麼他們會這樣罵你﹖我也不清楚。我想，大慨是因為人生出來是血淋淋的，叉燒就剛好有「血淋淋」的感覺呢！
你現在也可以這樣罵人呢：
「我阿公同阿婆當年誤將一舊叉燒當成人咁養大左…」(因為我有個只會講錢，跟她講別的不會有用的媽…)
「我公司/上司某日響無知無覺之間，請左一舊叉燒呢…」(我有個朋友，他有一個沒有半點用的同事…)
「我當時誤錫左一舊叉燒呢…」(有好多朋友都交了沒用的男/女朋友…)
所以呢，我現在都有咬我的男朋友！
Monday, October 04, 2004
A Fxxking Parable Part III 一個變態的故事 第三集 Mr. Friend hadn't been beaten by the pretty gal's refusal. He thought he realized that, “… Oh, yes, we guys buy that!” Then he came to a male friend of him. 朋友先生(就給他這個名字罷)沒有因美女的推卻而受到打擊，他想：「喲！對啊，都是我們男生買的！」於事，他就去找他的一位性男朋友。 This guy he met was really a Mr. Right! He’s kind of handsome and nice, still has bright career path though he’s stepped into the middle-class… I am, by all means, to get him mine if not he’ll be marrying his girlfriend two years later. 這位男士可算是一名鑽石王老五，樣子挺老實、人品好、已經是中產階層了，公司又給他晉升機會…真想倒過來追求他，可惜他已決定兩年後和女朋友結婚！ Mr. Friend told Mr. Right all the same and this time Mr. Right seemed liking his proposal. Yet, he said, with ears reddened, “Well, I like the idea very much. But, my girlfriend and I had agreed that we’ll give our ‘first night’ to each other upon wedding. Sorry about that… but, maybe you can call me two years later! Let me see, I may buy a bigger diamond ring to her for our wedding, using that sum of money!” Then, he walked away, smiling sweetly. 朋友先生又跟鑽石王老五說起那門生意，說得頭頭是道，對方亦唯唯諾諾一副很讚同的樣子。但最後，讚石王老五不好意思地說：「你的點子是很好啦，不過我跟女朋友訂明了，結婚後才會幹『那個』喇，對不起呢。不如你兩年後再找我罷…說起上來，我可以用那些錢買更大的鑽石介指給她結婚時戴呢！」他就甜咪咪的樣子走了。